did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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