I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
