i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
