i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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