wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
