Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
