I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize