Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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