Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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