Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
