So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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