there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
