I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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