She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
