I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
