is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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