Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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