you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
