why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
