you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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