I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
