She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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