Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
