I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
