I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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