I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
