I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
