Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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