is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
