DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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