I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
