Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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