Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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