College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
