so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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