I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
