I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
