I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
