Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
