what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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