Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
