I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
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He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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