I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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