Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
