What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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