I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am available for nakedness
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
