k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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