Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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