I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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