Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
