it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
whose parrot is this?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
