the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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