it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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