Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize