i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
