Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
pray to the hookup gods
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
