i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
