the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
