Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
